i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
