dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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