While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
