there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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