FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
