Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
