Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
