phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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