My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
