There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
