Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
