I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
