I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
