She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
