He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
