i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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