I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
