I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
