I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
