Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
