Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
