Fine. I'll sleep in my office
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
