Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
