I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
