I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
