oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i dont even know how to be here
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
