Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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