why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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