Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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