Little spoons don't ask big questions
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
