that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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