my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I want to fling myself into the sun
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
