Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
