Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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