These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
