he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
false alarm. still invincible.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
