I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
