This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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