Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
