i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
