You're completely useless in the revolution.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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