the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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