Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
vagina is talking i cant
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
