Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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