Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
