I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
