is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
