turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is it because I queefed?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
