im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
