So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
