FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dicks are not precious.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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