I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
