last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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