I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
