After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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